Sarah Silverman

My influences are Mr. Rogers and Phil Donahue.

Sarah Silverman is a comedian, writer, and actor and her religion is science and love. You may have seen her on The Sarah Silverman Program, in her many videos on, and in the upcoming A Million Ways To Die in the West.

Her favorite Chipotle item is vegetarian tostada with no shell.

Who inspires you? Who are your favorite authors?

My influences are Mr. Rogers and Phil Donahue.

Two-Minute Index

by Sarah Silverman

I always confuse NRA & NPR. Totally different tote bags. • Sometimes when I’m really lonely I talk to myself, but I call myself “you guys.” • There’s no way my heart can handle what’s in an email labeled ELEPHANTS REUNITING AFTER 20 YRS. • Nothing’s more attractive than an unending monologue about your shortcomings. • My dog is right. The bathroom is not a library. • I hate drama = I love drama. • Unfortunate is the man who employs baby talk. • A bull in pretty much any shop is gonna be a mess. • Saying “RELAX” is maybe the least relaxing word you can say to someone. • I still wake up so jazzed that I don’t have to go to school. • Some of the most misogynistic men I know are women. • “I hate clouds,” declared my dad out of nowhere. • Heartbreaking converges with crazy cute at the sight of tiny crutches. • The two saddest consecutive sentences: “He just wants attention. Don’t give it to him.” • Behind every great big bully is a great big bully. • People in cults don’t call their cults cults. • Let’s not wait for the apocalypse or an alien attack to love each other, y’all. • You don’t have to do what’s expected of you. • Just a quick reminder: other people exist. • It bothers me that I’m not your entire world. • We are all 100% going to die someday. • Your fancy frankenstein cross-breed vanity dog can’t breathe you obnoxious boob. • Spoiled rich kids who’ve never heard the word “no” are such a delight to be around in general. • Vote “No” on this spelling of Geoff. • You had me ‘til Hello.